Whether it’s a raise, a new opportunity, a sale or even just a favour, the fear of asking is real.
You know the feeling. The knot in your stomach, the racing heart, the endless mental rehearsals that inevitably lead to self-doubt. You might feel uncertain, nervous or even a little embarrassed about putting yourself out there. What if they say no? What if you sound foolish? What if you bother them? These anxieties are completely normal – they’re part of being human.
We’re all basically the same.
It’s good to remember, we’re all basically the same. The person you’re approaching, regardless of their title or experience, has felt similar pangs of apprehension. They’ve likely been in your shoes, hesitating to ask for something important to them. They’ve faced their own rejections and celebrated their own wins. This shared human experience is a powerful equalizer.
This quote from Nora Roberts hits hard: “If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” It’s simple, profound, and yet, asking for what you want can be very unnerving.
Many successful people will tell you that a significant part of their journey involved getting comfortable with asking – and often, with hearing “no.”
So, how do you build that nerve? Here’s what I learned.
- A “no” isn’t a reflection of your worth; it’s just information. It means “not right now,” “not in this way,” or “I can’t help with that specific thing.” It opens the door to finding a different path or person.
- Practice asking. Start with low-stakes requests. Ask a friend for a book recommendation, ask for an extra napkin at a cafe or ask a colleague for their opinion. Each small ask builds your “asking muscle.”
- Clearly understand why you want what you’re asking for. When your purpose is clear, your conviction will shine through, making you feel more confident and articulate.
- Prepare. Think through what you want to say, but don’t script every single word. Have your key points ready, but allow for a natural conversation.
It takes courage to be vulnerable, and people often respond positively to genuine vulnerability. It shows you’re invested and authentic. Remember, the worst they can say is no. And if you don’t ask, you’ve already given yourself that answer. Step forward, speak your truth and you might just be surprised by what doors open.
Writing for you. 